


You Can't Banish Me!

by howboutinotdothis



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Evan is a pushover, Jared breaks the Rules but won't accept his punishment, M/M, Post-Canon, grown up au i guess, idk guys i'm trying, super ooc, they're adults sharing an apartment or smth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 10:07:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10851765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howboutinotdothis/pseuds/howboutinotdothis
Summary: “You can’t banish me! This is my bed too!”The fact that Evan doesn’t even look up from his book is a testament to how far they’ve come in their relationship—Evan’s gotten to be comfortable with Jared’s joking, finally realizing that Jared is just an asshole who doesn’t know how to express his emotions like a normal human being. Not an irredeemable prick who gets off on tormenting his boyfriend.“That’s the rule, Jared. I can’t change the rules.”“Yes, you can! You made those rules!”





	You Can't Banish Me!

**Author's Note:**

> for a tumblr request! sorry this isn't very good, idk how to write jared
> 
> comments/kudos/crit always welcome!

“You can’t banish me! This is my bed too!”

The fact that Evan doesn’t even look up from his book is a testament to how far they’ve come in their relationship—Evan’s gotten to be comfortable with Jared’s joking, finally realizing that Jared is just an asshole who doesn’t know how to express his emotions like a normal human being. Not an irredeemable prick who gets off on tormenting his boyfriend.

“That’s the rule, Jared. I can’t change the rules.”

“Yes, you can! You made those rules!”

This, at least, draws Evan’s attention away from his book that details the strong social bonds between trees, which is a pretty amazing feat. Evan’s tree obsession hasn’t waned at all in the past few years; it’s actually grown stronger since he signed on to work full time at the national park. So, it suffices to say that getting Evan’s attention away from his newest tree book is pretty impressive. “No, we made _and_ agreed on these rules _together_. Just because the rules aren’t working for you right now doesn’t mean you get to pretend you had nothing to do with them.”

“But—”

“But nothing.” Evan returns his gaze to his book, staunchly ignoring the sad kicked puppy looks Jared is throwing his way. “You can have one of the pillows and your Harry Potter blanket.”

“Evan, come on, you know I didn’t mean it.”

“You still broke the rule.”

“You do too! All the time! But, do I make you sleep on the cold, unforgiving couch? No, because I’m a fucking awesome boyfriend.”

Evan gently closes his book, setting it on the bedside table before leveling Jared with a disbelieving look. “Name one time I broke a rule.”

_Damn it_. “Um, I can’t think of a specific instance right now, but I know you’ve done it before and that’s all that matters.”

“You know what I think?”

“Well—”

“I think,” Evan continues, cutting Jared off in a very un-Evan way. Sure, Evan’s gained more confidence since high school and gotten better at keeping his anxiety under control, but he still isn’t a very assertive person. It’s kind of hot though. “You don’t actually think I’ve ever broken one of the rules, you just really don’t want to face the consequences of your actions. Which would be breaking another rule. So, you’re banished from the bed _and_ you have to make breakfast tomorrow.”

“Evan.”

“Jared.”

“ _Evan._ ”

“ _Jared._ ”

“Come on, just let me off this one time. I won’t do it again, I promise.

“I mean, I probably won’t do it again.

“Okay, I will definitely do it again, but I will apologize and make you pancakes.

“I won’t, I’m lying, I won’t even feel bad about it.”

“You’re not making me want to un-banish you at all, you realize that, right?” Evan’s voice is fondly exasperated and Jared can feel that he’s almost got him to the point that he’ll give up and let Jared back in the bed. This is a pretty common occurrence—Jared breaks a rule and pisses Evan off, Evan cites the rules and kicks him out of the bed, Jared apologizes and whines until Evan lets him back in because Evan’s a sucker for cuddling.

“You realize that you chose to date me despite knowing what an asshole I am, so honestly, when you think about it, this is all your fault. I mean, you knew I wouldn’t follow any of the rules when we made them, so it’s not really my fault for breaking them.”

“That’s BS.”

“Yes, but you love my BS. My BS is like ninety-five percent of our relationship. My BS contributes more to our day-to-day life than you do. So. Yeah.”

“You’re not going to give up are you.”

“No, I am not.”

“Don’t do it again.”

“I promise I will not make a conscious decision to insult trees while we’re in bed together for as long as I remember not to do that.”

Evan lets out a long-suffering sigh before throwing back the blanket to let Jared get under it. “You’re an ass.”

“You love my ass.”

“That’s not even—that wasn’t—let’s just. Go to sleep.”

“Are you sure because—”

“ _Jared_.”

“Fine, no, yeah, sleep is good.” Jared moves so he’s half on top of his boyfriend’s chest, one leg flung over both of Evan’s, feeling triumphant when Evan moves to wrap his arms around him. See? Total sucker for cuddling.

Evan’s voice is muffled by Jared’s hair, which is currently all up in his face. “Stop being so smug.”

“Me? Smug? There’s not an ounce of smugness in my body. I am the least smug person you will ever meet, I’m—”

“Never mind. I’m tired.” There’s a pause where the room is silent except for the soft whirring of the air conditioner and their breathing. “Also you still owe me pancakes.”

“I will make you tree-shaped pancakes in the morning, you big baby. Go to sleep. Some of us need our beauty sleep.”

Evan snorts softly, but Jared decides not to call him on that. It has gotten pretty late and Jared doesn’t have the energy to argue late into the night like he used to. He can feel Evan’s breathing level out as he falls asleep, chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. Jared snuggles up to his boyfriend and enjoys the warmth and comfort he provides.

Yeah, this is definitely better than sleeping on the couch.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to hmu with requests or whatever on tumbler at @jaredkleinmanisanerd!


End file.
